5:30 am overly ambitious alarm goes off and I scramble to find where my phone ended up after I fell asleep making a to-do list on it the night before. Phone is under the baby who I didn’t even realize had ended up in bed with me at some point in the night because I almost certainly sleep-walked to get him out of his crib when he woke up screaming like he was stranded on a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean. Get the phone out from under the baby, silence alarm, get baby back to sleep. Put on yoga pants from Target and contemplate doing a Fitness Blender workout. Fall asleep standing up for a second then climb back into bed to get the best 45 minutes of sleep of the night before the baby wakes up again.
6:15 am hubby brings me a coffee and turns on Morning Joe to test whether or not I am in fact alive. Most of the discussion topics piss me off enough to rouse me. Finish coffee with actual milk and sugar and berate myself for missing another workout and consuming my entire daily allotment of sugar in one cup of coffee.
6:30 am Kids wake up and begin the chaos that is getting them dressed. Get in the shower while the hubs does breakfast for the kids. Love that freakin guy. Think of 10 more things I left off the to-do list in the shower and make up mnemonic devices to try not to forget them before my shower is done and I can put them in my phone. Wash bangs because I’m 3 days overdue for a shampoo but I don’t have time for anything more than bangs.
Forget 7 of the 10 items I thought of in the shower [spoiler alert: this will bite me in the ass later].
Spend 10 minutes layering eye cream, concealer, highlighter, and primer to under eye area. Still look like a Walking Dead extra.
Dry bangs. Pull rest of hair back into a ponytail. Get dressed after trying on half of 3 different outfits and realizing the other half is in the laundry.
Head downstairs to finish washing the bottles and pump parts for the day, grab to-go coffee and breakfast I can throw in the microwave at work.
7:15 am Leave house heading north to do the drop-offs.
8am Leave school heading back south, past my house, toward the office and remember I have snack duty this week and call husband in a panic to pick up fruit and flowers to drop by the school on his way to the office.
9 am arrive 30 minutes later than my childless 20-something co-workers who all went to a barre class at 5am.
9:15 am put breakfast in the microwave (hey, it’s organic!) and have another cup of coffee and note that my sugar consumption is now 3 times the recommended daily amount but silently renew my vow not to switch to artificial sweeteners because of those lab rat studies from Sweden. Wonder if I should switch to almond milk, briefly.
10 am retrieve forgotten, cold, solidified oatmeal from the microwave. Hold out for 30 more minutes before eating 2 donuts leftover from the morning meeting. They weren’t gluten free or sold individually at some gourmet donut boutique that sources its ingredients locally.