No, I’m not getting a minivan stick figure family tattooed above my right breast [for the record I don’t even have the stick figures on my minivan – lil’ bit of a contradiction in terms, I realize]. I mean our decision. It’s in ink, well, e-mail. Today I sent the email to change my preschooler’s school schedule from full-time to part-time. Okay, it’s not stone, it’s an email, but the wheels of change are picking up speed.
It’s a good thing, because the last few days have been emotional, and I needed a gesture of commitment to get me back on track. A pat on the back from a trusting manager [literally, I almost lost it], a jovial celebration of a hard-earned professional victory with colleagues I really do like, a drama over school schedules, and a long weekend with fidgety children had shaken my resolve. But some of the darkest hours of the last few days also helped me see the light. I’d been stressing out and realized that I didn’t need to, that all I needed to do was trust, let go of everything that’s holding me back, and remember the reason I’m doing this in the first place: I’m the best person for this job.
Making the commitment to this change with the simple step of emailing my son’s school felt good. I started to feel excited again instead of scared. I started to think about Halloween and enjoying making the kids’ costumes instead of half-assing it or begrudgingly staying up past midnight on a work night to get it done. And I signed me and my 3 year old up for a cooking class! It will be a disaster, but it will make for a funny story down the road.
We’re doing this. 1 week, 6 days.