As the big day gets closer [2 weeks, 4 days from today] the tension is mounting around my house. Everyone is feeling the pressure of our big decision right now. This morning was like most other mornings: harried, chaotic, anything but routine. The closer the big day comes, despite my nesting-like preparation, and maybe even because of it, the more we seem to dissolve into total disarray.
Like most mornings, we scrambled to get the kids fed and ready for two different school/daycare scenarios, cram in some breakfast while standing at the counter [me at the breast pump], and get ourselves dressed for work. The hubs and I had our usual decompression chat on my morning commute [I use Bluetooth unlike 90% of my fellow commuters, thank you]. This setup isn’t working, we both agreed, feeling like even 1 more week of this interim routine, let alone 2 or 3, might literally kill us both. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder out loud, “is me quitting work the answer or is there something we’re overlooking that could make me working…work?”
The last few days I’ve felt panicky. We’ve all had colds so we’ve been taking turns not sleeping, which means mommy hasn’t slept in over a week. I’m walking on eggshells, which means everyone else is too. On the phone with my husband this morning I rattled off some ideas that could make our dual-income situation more doable. “I can stop breastfeeding, we can hire a cleaner, we can find a more convenient daycare setup.” I could hear him nodding and I knew he was feeling it too. But as the voice of reason in our family, he assured me, “we’re never going to be happy or successful if we’re both trying to do everything all the time.” He’s right. We’re both working several jobs instead of focusing on what we want to do, and where our greatest potential is. Every morning for the foreseeable future is going to look like this one. So why are we suddenly doubting this decision when the state of things in our household is crying out for it?
We’re scared, simple as that. We’re quickly approaching the point of no return. And the reality is that we’re already there; we’re both so invested in this decision now that we’ve cut the engines and we’re gliding toward the runway. It may be a bumpy landing, but it could just be our best opportunity to land without crashing. Tray tables up, kids. Let’s do this!